Stumbling & Bumbling

Easily Freaked Out: Baby Commercial Edition

You know what completely freaks me out? Commercials with babies. Well, ok, not all commercials that feature babies, just the ones where they superimpose a baby head on someone else's body or those freaky-assed commercials where the babies speak like adults...those I really, really hate.

So imagine my horror struck look when I came across the new Evian Rollerskating Babies commercial. Call me a monster but if I saw a park full of unbelievably well coordinated infants on roller skates I would run away screaming my fool head off.

So now you know yet another weird fact about me. Why don't you reply to this post and tell me something that totally freaks YOU out? Huh? Huh?

P.S. The scene where the babies roller skate toward the chain link fence and then proceed to launch themselves at said fence and hang there like a pack of demented-demon-possessed-baby-monkeys makes me break out in goosebumps. Seriously.

P.P.S.- We are finally closing on our house and are in the middle of moving so please accept my abject apologies that I have been MIA these last few weeks. I will be back soon with many tales of how much I FUCKING HATE PACKING. GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

P.P.P.S -**I have just learned that the one and only Asian baby in the commercial is frequent commenter KC's  son who we will call "B". So, um let me amend my comments to say "Those damned babies freak me out with the exception of the adorable "B" who at a mere few months of life can skate circles around my old ass. He is in no way a 'demented-demon-possessed-baby-monkey'. I love you KC!**

Prince

Dearest Sebastian (a.k.a. 'Seba"):

2 years ago today Daddy and I got up at a ridiculously early hour (4 A.M.) after having a bad (read: horrible, terrible, stress inducing nightmare of a) night with your older brother- who somehow sensing that something big was afoot and that Mami and Daddy needed to rest, staged and all night vendetta against us that took the form of his waking every 15 minutes crying his eyes out. So, once he finally succumbed to my whispered threats of "You better go to sleep right now Nicholas or so help me God I will sell you to gypsies" and I got all of 1.5 hours of rest it was time for us to head to the hospital.

My (your-um, OUR) C-section was the first one scheduled for the day and I must say that the only thing I wasn't looking forward to was the big huge IV tubes that would be inserted into my wrist. Other than that, your dad and I had a good time joking with the nurses and then, once we finally got into the operating room, with the Dr. who delivered you.

Believe it or not, we had a good time singing along with the mixed CD that the Dr. had created for your birth. I remember avidly singing along with the Sade song "Smooth Operator" even as the he started to operate on me. I thought it was hysterically funny that he would put that song on the CD and he had to tell me to calm down because I was laughing so hard while he was trying to, well you know, get you out. The song switched right before you made your entrance and what was playing as I heard you cry out your first cry was the song "All My Life" by the unfortunately named "K-Ci & JoJo". The chorus of the song was playing, and although it's a love song this is certainly how I feel about you:

 And all my life
I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life
I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

 

The doctor held you up so I could see your little face and your big huge feet that you had walloped me with daily over the last 9 months. I reached my hand up to touch your long beautiful fingers and I fell in love with you my son, my little prince.

 

You've been with us for 2 years and I can't imagine what life would be like if you had never entered it. You're so much fun, gosh darn it - you bring such laughter and joy and craziness and stubbornness that I can't imagine your dad, brother or I would ever want to be without.

  

Happy Birthday Sebastian. We love you!

A Wrinkle In Time

My 34th birthday is coming up soon, and I mention this not to remind you of the blessed event but because as I peered at my face in the mirror today I found a wrinkle. The truth is...I like it. I like that little crease by my right eye, formed by laughter, tears, squints and smiles. It reminds me of my mom, of my grandmother and my aunts, all such beautiful women, all with the most awesome laugh lines that enhance, rather than detract from their beautiful faces.I know that women are supposed to rail and fight against the encroaching signs of age, I know that right now I should be researching anti-wrinkle creams and beginning to evaluate Botox, but I am proud of this little wrinkle. Its a part of me that tells a story and I don't want to fill, buff or smooth it away.

As for the subject of yet another birthday looming in the near future, the only regret that I have about that is that it is a year less to experience all the wonderful adventures that life has to offer. My 33rd year was filled with experiences good and bad, happy and sorrowful.  It was also filled with about 575547859978935976493054858 diaper changes, bouts of toddler plague, lots of WoW, annoying coworkers, new friends, old friends that have come back into the picture and many, many cookies.

So as I head into my 34th year, I do so with my eyes open and my mind set to take in all this year might throw at me and with the hope that any wrinkles I accrue this year will be formed primarily by laugh lines and not by frowns. I go in with a prayer that it is a good year, that happiness will far outweigh any sadness and that both of my boys will be potty trained before I turn 35.

Bite me

I admit it: I luuuv me some "Twilight". Yes, the books are full of many many instances where Bella 'glares' and Edward 'glares' and everyone is grimacing at this or that but come on, Edward is H.O.T. Jacob is quite possibly even hotter.

So without further ado and many many teenaged OMG's rattling around in my head here is the Official 'New Moon' trailer. If you haven't read the books and dont want spoilers then do not watch!

Pictorial

 Hi! My children are weird. It just strikes me as pretty crazy that they went from little human blobs to these, well these people- these little tiny people with personalities! It's almost too much to handle.

Behold their many facets:

Here we have Sebastian, with what has become his signature look or what we lovingly refer to as his "Eff YOU!" face:

 
Grrrrrrrr

Ah Seb, you were once a cheery sort of child, but lately you are either cocky:

 

Or plain pissed off:

  
Whatchoo lookin' at?

Now don't get me wrong, I love you more than ever- even with the wild mood swings and tantrums- but I do like it best when you (sort of) smile :

Future cocky male model- hellloooo ladies!

And here we have Nick. Nick is usually even keel:

 
(poor baby had windburn)

Lately though, you have been getting a little, lets call it for what it is kid- INSANE:

 
Crazy eyes!

It might be the crazy eyes or the crazy hairstyle you now demand:

 
How you like me now?

Perhaps it is the drawn-on goatee? Maybe...

Well at least you guys are cute...easy for mommy and daddy to love:

 

 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Geek

I have been a geek all my long life. On top of being just a regular geek I am known as a "Gamer Geek". Regular geeks love Star Wars (guilty) and Star Trek (I've been able to make the Vulcan "Live Long and Prosper sign since I was what, 6?); I was at the midnight showings for the re-releases of every Star Wars movie and for the releases of the crappy "Prequels". I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at least once every year and I paid to have my name added to the "fan list" at the end of the credits on the DVD's. Game -geek wise: I played Dungeons and Dragons, spent many hours playing Tetris, Contra ( I still remember the cheat codes) Mortal kombat, etc. I have purchased entire gaming systems just to be able to play Metroid, and have now graduated to the pinnacle of geek game-dom: World of Warcraft, also known as WoW. 

You know what I got MYSELF for mothers day? Several WoW themed T-shirts and a hoodie. After the kiddies go to bed I am a Night Elf Druid that is the head of her own guild and I run raids till midnight.

I am unapologetic. I am a geek. I love it.

This is a good reflection of a typical night in my house.

Conversations

Me: Nicky do you have to go pee-pee in the potty?

Nicky: No, mami.

Me: OoooooK!

(37.8 seconds pass)

Nicky: Mami- I did Pee pee in my pants.

Me: Sigh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(11:30 P.M.)

Me: Ok, Mike is at a poker game, dishes are done, kids are asleep, I can finally go to bed.

(Lies down and stretches luxuriously in center of king sized bed)

Me: AAAhhhhh (starts to snore after .2 milliseconds)

Seba: WAAaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa......

Me: wha? huh? oh shit......

(I run to kids room stubbing my toe on various objects several times along the way, rush up to Sebastian's crib, only to find peacefully slumbering toddler)

Me: whafuck?

(I trudge limp back to bed and lay down)

Seba: WAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......

Me: (whimper)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(3 AM)

ME: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Nicky; MAAAAAAA-MIIIIIIIIIIII

Me: (Bleary Eyed) Nicky que pasa?

Nicky: My Dinosaur is sick, mami. Please to go get him some juice?

Me: Nicky go to sleep! Your dinosaur is not sick!

Nicky: O -K, mami. You are a grouch. (falls instantly asleep)

Me: (30 minutes later- still wide awake) &$#%-ing Dinosaur.

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Swine on a Train

I have never, up to this point, been one of those moms that totally freaks out if her kids gets dirty, or eats dirt (i'm looking at YOU, Seba); one of those moms that continuously douses everything in Lysol and freaks out if her kid does get the flu. Lord knows we have had our share of the plague in our home, kids get sick - it's a fact of life. (By the way, just to clear things up I DO clean the house and enforce hand washing rules and yes, I do clean the kids toys and such, it's just that I don't totally freak out and avoid all situations where my kid might possibly get a cold). Iam a conscientious parent in that if my kids do have a cold, I will stay home with them and not let them go out and spread their plague to other kids. Still, they go to the babysitters and swap germs that occasionally lead to colds with the other kids there. I can deal with that.

Enter the Swine Flu. We live in NYC and are very close to the outbreak source here - in fact, my own dear brother works in the school where about 20% of the students came down with the flu after a senior trip to Mexico. Luckily he didn't catch it and hasn't been further exposed  since they shut the school down for a week in order to clean it from top to bottom. [On a side noteI am wondering just how many secret weed/alcohol stash's they might uncover in their cleaning process- heh.]

I was riding the subway this morning and  was lucky to be sitting 2 people away from a lady obviously suffering from a cold. Now, we've all seen the pictures of masks being handed out on th streets of Mexico and I thought that would be a good thing to do here in NY - especially for us who have to ride the subway to get to and from our jobs. Boy did I wish I had one this morning when the lady (and I want to use another term that rhymes with witch, but I won't..yet) started to sneeze. Now, I know sometimes a sneeze can catch you unaware and just explode out of you with no warning, but this lady was coughing and sneezing regularly. WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO COVER HER MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH. I mean, come on. You cannot tell me that with all the damned news coverage this is getting she had no way of knowing that the public is a bit jittery when it comes to catching the swine flu. But there she sat, spreading her plague,,, not even attempting to shield her mouth and nose with her hand - much less a napkin. Swine flu or no swine flu, her total disregard of possibly infecting  of everyone else on that incredibly crowded train really really bothered me. That's why when someone shouted at her to cover her mouth, I agreed loudly.  I am not a germaphobe, but I don't want to take her germs with me when I go home and possibly get my family sick.

I am going home now and I will try not to worry overmuch, but I will sure as shit be picking up a box of masks at the drug store on my way to the subway. Armed with those and my hand sanitizer - I venture forth.

By the way - where can one procure the materials needed to construct the bubble that Jake Gyllenhaal lived in in that movie "Bubble Boy"? What? I am just asking!

FYI

Hey remember this video, where a guy is just dancing in different places around the globe that I posted a while back? I still watch it alot especially when the suck factor of my day is set to dangerously high levels:

In case you were wondering just how in the holy heck this guy Matt got to do all these videos and why here is a little FYI for you.

Have a great weekend!

Observations

1- Riding the subway can be annoying at times, but it can be made exponentially worse when someone sits next (snap!) to you and (Snap! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!!) SNAPStheir damned (snap!) gum for the (Snap snap!!!) entire 30 (snap!) Minute (SNAP!!!!) trip. (snap snap snap snap snap snapsnapsnapsnap!)

2- No matter how little a child has eaten, the incredible size of their poop never fails to amaze a parent - even a battle hardened one.

3-Little kids fall, a lot. Its pretty damned funny.

4-Little kids don't like to be laughed at, but will hoot with laughter while they watch you tumble down a flight of steps.

5-Cooking shows are depressing because you will never, ever be able to have a kitchen like that.

6-The Twilight series is incredibly addictive, and most of the women that read it will find themselves wishing a vampire would love them at some point in their lives.

7-Men will always be fixated on the size of their penis.  They start very early, as in a few weeks old type early- trying to lengthen it by pulling on the damned thing like a ripcord for a lawnmower. They never stop.

8-One of the most wonderful things about being an adult is the ability to rationalize having a Dove chocolate bar for breakfast with the following logic: "Because I am a grownup and I CAN. NO ONE CAN STOP ME."

What are your observations?