Stumbling & Bumbling

Reliving My Youth. Failing Miserably.

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend here in the US. I can certainly say that I had a lot of fun this weekend, especially seeing as how I am living a sort of never ending weekend at the moment. 

My weekend started on Friday when, true to form, Mike and I ditched the kids at the babysitters and went to go try to relive our childhoods by riding every damned roller coaster in Six Flags Great Adventure. We got there early in the morning, and as we walked across the parking lot we congratulated ourselves on getting a head start on the Labor Day crowds. Then we turned a corner and confronted 9,654,685,905,784,589 other people congratulating each other on their head starts and it turns out that we had to wait 45 minutes just to buy a damned ticket to get into the damned park. Adding to these early morning festivities was the fact that we were standing in front of a couple who were seemingly out on their first or second date . They were in that horrible stage when they asked each other the most inane and ridiculous questions imaginable. Questions like:

"OHMIGOD" Girl: "O-Kay, if you could get a Tattoo where would you get it?"

REALLY LOUD AND BOISTEROUS GUY: (LOUDLY AND BOISTEROUSLY): "I wouldn't. I can't imagine writing something on my body that I want to see when I am 90. I mean, if I was meant to have a tattoo, GOD would have let me be born with one already!"

"OHMIGOD" GIRL: "OHMIGOD, you're so right! But you have good forearms, you could get one there."

REALLY LOUD AND BOISTEROUS GUY: (LOUDLY AND BOISTEROUSLY): "You think?"

Mike and I almost passed out from trying not to laugh out loud.

Finally, finally after 40 more minutes of inane chatter from the Wonder-couple we got into the park. We immediately headed to the Great American Scream Machine and got on. After a ride that lasted approximately 90 seconds we wobbled off to Superman where we were subjected to inane 12 year old chatter from a gaggle of little girls in short shorts and heavy make up. We got on the coaster and rode that for another 90 seconds. When we wobbled of that ride I realized something. I am old. Really, really old. I remember jumping on and off those coasters just a few years and 2 c-sections ago with no problem. Now? Now I was lucky if I could walk in a straight goddamned line after getting off the coaster. Mike was similarly afflicted with weird old people vertigo and so we took a break and got something to eat. The rest of the day was easier and lots of fun and we were trying to convince each other to go on this monstrosity: 

Yes, you see that big assed iron penis? That's a 40 Story High Iron Penis! Still not convinced that it is bad ass? Click here, watch the video and tell me you wouldn't pee your Depends if you rode that motherfucker.

Then we rode El Toro (or as I like to call it now "The Senior Killer") the biggest wooden roller coaster ever and let me tell you that son of a bitch fucked me up. FUCKED ME UP people. How much so? This much so: 

Goodbye, my youth.

:::

Saturday, still reeling from the feeling of our lost youth and suffering from swollen, arthritic knees and lower backs, we decided to dress up like we did back in the late 80's. Nah, it was actually for a friends birthday party and let me tell you, we totally rocked the casbah.  Behold my old school 80's "Desperately Seeking Susan" hairstyle and Mikes awesome "SOUL-GLO" jerry curl:

 
(that's a CANDY Cigarette!)

Who says you can't be young again?

Woman of Leisure

Pass me another Bon-Bon. Continue to peel those grapes for me please.

Yes friends, my current unemployed status has turned me from a tireless worker - bee (excuse me while I snort at myself *Snooooooort*) into a woman of leisure. Ok well maybe not but damn its nice to be lazy. Mike has taken a few days and we will be traipsing around with the kids for the rest of this week. I think that we will head to the beach today or tomorrow, and then hit up the Central Park Zoo, the Bronx Zoo, the Coney Island Aquarium, White Post Farms out in Long Island, and then, for the coup de grace, we will DITCH the children with grandma and grandpa and go to Six Flags and ride the coasters all day long till I puke up all my bon bons.

Next week will start my job search and I am not really looking forward to it. I am still trying to decide exactly what I want to do with presumably, the rest of my working life. I am debating on looking for another full time position, or with taking a little part time position where I can take some classes at the same time to work towards that Speech Pathology degree. I've seen some pretty crazy jobs listed on Monster and Craigslist and I will share some of them here with you in the coming days.

So that's a sort of mini-update for you. I know, pretty boring but believe me - it feels nice to relax and unwind. I do have my panicky moments, my moments of sadness and anger but they pass and I am fine again.

And there are those moments, moments like when your youngest finds himself a red Sharpie marker and decides to graffiti on himself - that make you laugh and laugh and remember that life is grand.

Dont let the door hit you on the way out

You know when you have a weird feeling about going to a certain place or just that vague undefined feeling that something is not right with the world? Well that's how I felt yesterday when I went to the office for what turned out to be the last time. I got canned, laid off, fired, let go - you name it. 

As soon as I walked in my boss waved me over and just from the look on his face I knew something was up. My boss is a very sweet guy, a great boss and a good friend. He sat me down and told me that the company had decided to do away with my position and that he had to let me go. Now I have been with this particular company for about 8 years and you would think that I would be sad but, well I'm not. I sat there, basically numb as he told me the news and then I just nodded and when he asked me if I wanted to say goodbye to anyone I was all "Oh Heeellllll No!!!". I didn't want to say goodbye to the former friend turned office bitch who had been trying to undermine me and make me look inept to our bosses for a few months now. I didn't want to say goodbye to the cadaverous freak who I reported for sexual harassment a year ago, and who had basically no repercussions from my outing his touchy-feely ways. Can you see now why I wasn't and still am not heartbroken over the whole matter?

I only emailed my closest friends in the company to let them know what happened and to make sure I kept in touch with all of them. My group of "office gals", my awesome "IT Guys" all became friends to me and I will miss swapping gossip and funny inter office emails with them. I will stay in touch with that great group of people because they were the only things I will take out of that organization that matter at all.

Yes, the loss of my income will be something that we will have to deal with and when I do get emotional its a nervousness about how things will turn out financially for us in the next few months. I did get a severance package so I will have time to look for something else with a bit of a cushion.

And now....the future. Well, my future. I still have this weird feeling that things are not finished changing in my life. I feel...light, airy and hopeful and let me tell you, that is a big deal for this jaded and cynical New Yorker. I am researching all the different things I would like to be doing, and lets see where I end up. Maybe I will take a step back from the big money earning positions and take a part time so I can spend more time with my kids and start my classes for my speech therapy program earlier than expected. Who knows? 

Here's to looking forward and never looking back.

My Favorites: 80's Edition - School Stuff

OK before I go on with the post I have to tell you that I stayed home today because of an early morning migraine and a case of PINK EYE. Pink eye, really? Gah. Anyhow what I really want to comment on is that I am watching the program "The Doctors" and they are discussing all sorts of topics that people find embarrassing. I just laughed myself silly because one woman wrote into the show requesting that the Doctors give her advice about how she can ask her husband, who seemingly has a lot of hair on his, uh...ASS  - to wax it. So what do the doctor's do? They invite the poor guy to the show where they proceed to have his ass waxed on LIVE TV. Who says that daytime TV sucks? This is great!

:::

Yesterday I posted here about my intentions to go back to school and whenever I post something new on this here awesome blog, I update my facebook status to let all 3 of my friends know that I have imparted yet another dollop of wisdom upon the world.

My status update read: "Are Trapper Keepers still cool? I may be going back to school...uh oh. http://bumbling.typepad.com"

And you know what people commented on most? Not my wanting to go back to school (although a few did) they commented on the Trapper Keeper reference.  That got me remembering all the cool stuff we had back in the 80's in terms of school stuff and seeing as how the dreaded start of the school year is upon students everywhere I wanted to go over my personal favorite 80's school items.

Lets start with the best - The Trapper Keeper:

(C) onceuponawin.com

I loved my trapper keeper, with its shitty plastic rings and its strong smell of fresh, new, non bio-degradable plastic. I think most of us in the 4th grade were high on the fumes emitted by our new Trapper Keepers. Sigh, the good old days. *Sniff* *SNifffffff* *SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFF*

My second favorite 80's school item was something I never owned because my mom refused to spend more than 5 dollars on a pencil case. I believe her exact words, uttered in the middle of Woolworth's (Ooooooooh DIP- remember Woolworths?) were - 

My Mom:"Niña loca, I am NOT paying 12 dollars for a Hello Kitty pencil case!" 

Me:  But Mooo-ooooom! I need it!!!!!!"

My Mom: "Vete a la mierda - put your pencils in a Zip Lock bag!"

That of course broke my heart and forever rendered me NOT AS COOL as all the other little girls with super awesome Hello Kitty Pencil cases:

Yes I know I said that I am not a girly girl and I really wasn't, but I sure did have a hard on for that pencil case. I wanted it with every non girly girl fiber of my being. It had a sharpener and little secret compartments and it was what I desired. I never got it. Mourn with me.

A few years later I was over my trapper keeper phase and I had graduated to the old school DENIM BINDER! Oh yeah baby, it was a big deal to have a suh-weet Denim binder and have all your friends sign it or draw on it. If you got really crazy you could draw your name on it with big assed bubble letters that you then filled in with White-out. This made you cool and also got you in trouble with your dad who then stormed around the house yelling: "WHERE IS MY WHITEOUT? WHO TOOK IT?" while you desperately tried to hide your binder under the sofa.

I'd love to hear about your old school 80-early 90's favorite (and now considered "vintage") classic school items. 

Back to School?

I hated High School. I know, I know, I know - High School is billed by many people as being the "best time of your life"; a time before bill-paying responsibilities,  (and hopefully for most young people) a time before diaper changes-3AM wake ups-baby barf-middle of the night mystery temperatures-vaccinations-Mommy/Daddy I hate you-child rearing-duties. Its supposed to be a perfect balance of the Wonder Years and Fast Times at Ridgemont High and you are supposed to smile fondly and remember all your escapades and the tons of friends you had.

Meh.

I had friends, I had good times but for the most part I detested how cliquey everything was, how incredibly stooooopid everyone was and how you were supposed to dress one way and like the same music. So yeah, HS is something I don't really care to remember.

College on the other hand, I adored. I liked walking through campus to my classes, I liked how laid back everything was, how I could play UNO for cash at the student union while having an animated conversation with intelligent people at the same time. I loved it.

And I am going back.

Yes I have a BA already - in Sociology of all things - but I will be applying soon for a Graduate Program in Speech Pathology. That means that I will have to complete a few (A TON) of pre-requisite classes at the undergraduate level and I am eagerly looking forward to being THE OLDEST STUDENT IN CLASS. I imagine that the student sitting next to me in her low rider jeans and Abercrombie and Fitch $50 dollar T-shirt will look over at me and think "Whoa. She is OLD" and then stare at my wrinkly hands in consternation. Ok, maybe I am being exaggerated but seriously I will definitely be a bit out of my comfort zone at first. Still. I will be in SCHOOL again!

I am still in the early stages and I still have to get accepted and figure out where the rest of the money is coming from and I wont be starting for another semester but I can't wait to go back; even if at first its just for one or two classes. I have been toying with going back to school to become a Speech Pathologist specifically targeting Early Child Development for a while now and my company is offering to help out with a graduate course of study in any field. Suckers!

I can't wait. Remind me I said that when I start bitching about homework and *gulp* FINALS.

Bookworm

I am one of those people who can read about 200-250 pages in a day, more if there are no interruptions. "How do you do that???" asks my friend Gary, trying to figure if I cheat somehow by skipping paragraphs of if I am just skimming. "Nope" I tell him, to his chagrin "I read every word".

I started reading at an early age thanks to my bookworm dad. Growing up a reward for good behavior was breakfast at McDonald's on our way to Barnes and Noble - back then just one store on 18th street in Manhattan, with the annex across the street. My dad would take my brother and I over the protestations of my mother, who knew that we were most likely going to spend an ungodly amount of money and worse still - come home with more books to fill our small apartment. Fast forward to the present day where Mike bemoans the fact that the majority of the boxes in our recent move contained my books. When he brought up the idea to donate most of them to the library I agreed, after all we were moving from a house to an apartment. I did cull my vast library and only kept my favorites. Um, my favorites are about 10 huge boxes worth. I can't part with them, even though the majority of the boxes are now in our storage compartment, I know that I will be reunited with them soon.

Reading is almost an obsession for me. I always, always have to have a book or now, my Kindle with me. If I don't have a book I resort to reading anything, from crap magazines to old newspapers abandoned by a previous commuter on the subway. I found my self reading the ingredients of my Snapple iced tea over and over on a particularly bad commute where I had finished the book I had brought with me and didn't have another one to start. My punishments as a child were to have no reading privileges at all. I would take a flashlight to bed and stay up reading late into the night. I've been known to carry around Visene with me so as to be able to keep reading after my eyes have become so irritated that I am in actual pain. Every Sunday growing up, we didn't watch much television but instead devoured the Sunday paper and then many, many more books.

There are so many books that I have read and that I love, they are the ones that I can read over and over again. My father introduced me to  one series purely by mistake and thievery. Well, mistake on his part and thievery on mine. We were at the airport waiting to board our yearly summer flight to go see my grandparents in Colombia and my dad, who like me always needs to have reading material on hand, realized that he had forgotten his book at home. We went to the gift shop and he being an anthropology professor picked up "The Clan Of The Cave bear" by Jean Auel. I had my books, 26 of them, ready for our 3 month long vacation. Off we went. I ran out of reading material about 1 month into the vacation and my dad was still not done with COTCB. This is where the thievery comes in. I would find the book, tuck it under my shirt and go off and hide somewhere under the mango trees in my grandmothers backyard. I fell completely and totally in love with that book, I finished all 468 pages in a day and a half. Then I started from the beginning and read it through again. My dad left about a month and a half into our vacation to go back to work, and my brother and I stayed with my mom in Colombia until the day before school started back here in the states. I read COTCB until it literally fell apart. When we came home, what was on my bed but books 2 and 3 of the series, which I immediately fell upon and read over the next 3 days. Jean Auel is still writing that series and I have been waiting for her last book for 7 years now. The book before that I waited 11.5 years for.

Of course many more books have been read in all these years, I read The Lord of the rings series at least once a year, as well as all the other Tolkien books. I am an avid Harry Potter fan as well.  I remember reading the words of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and being blown away by the imagery and ease of way he has with the written word. I remember reading the Count of Montecristo and promptly going right back to the beginning once I had read the last word. I read anything I can get my hands on, and I thoroughly enjoy it when a book completely sucks you in and makes you laugh and cry, makes your heart soar with happiness or brings tears to your eyes.

Because of that, today I received one of the most wonderful compliments anyone has ever given me. I was on the train coming into work this morning and reading a truly wonderful book " The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. The story is sweet and funny and heart-wrenching all at once. I'm sitting there, tears in my eyes and a smile on my face and an old man, and I mean an old, old, old man leans forward and says "Miss, I have never seen someone enjoy a story more. I can read the emotions on your face and please excuse me for saying so, but it was beautiful to watch. Whatever you're reading has made you perfectly lovely."

If you haven't yet read "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" go out and buy it or borrow it from the library. Steal it from your unsuspecting parents! (No, don't).

Books I've read that I've loved:
1. The Earth's Children Seriesby Jean M Auel
2. Anything and everything ever written by J.R.R. Tolkien
3. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
4. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
5. The Illiad and the Odyssey by Homer (translated by Robert Fagles)

 I'll leave it at that before the list goes from 5 to 500 books.

 I'd love to hear of books you've read and loved!

The material thing....that I love!

I must admit I am having a love affair. Mike is aware of it, and while he evinces some jealousy occasionally, he is surprisingly tolerant of the situation. When I am not working or hanging with my boys or doing errands, I am with my new love. I hold my love close during my subway/bus rides to and from work, and when I can I snuggle up with my love on quiet afternoons when the children are napping. Its true- I an completely, unquestionably in love with my Kindle. I am so in love with it that (gasp!) sometimes I cheat on WoW with my Kindle.

A Kindle - for all of you out there that are reading this post with growing senses of bewilderment...a KINDLE is the e-reader that Amazon (love you Amazon! MUAH) has created and sell through their website. Check it:

 
Image courtesy of Amazon.com

You can carry up to 1500 books around with you on your Kindle and I am well on my way to meeting that goal. I am one of those people who can read about 200 pages in a few hours, so I pretty much devour books in a short amount of time. I also love to re-read books - don't ask- it's an addiction. I just wanted to give props to Amazon, my Kindle and my wonderful, wonderful reading addiction.

 

Home Sweet Home

Holy crap there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We finally sold our house, packed up the whole damned thing, threw out about 16 metric tons of books and old baby toys and moved into our new place.

Going from a house to an apartment wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, especially since we found one hell of a big apartment. Let me state here that unequivocally, I never, ever want to move out of here. I mean yes its a really nice apartment and yes I like the neighborhood but its not for those reasons that I never want to move again. Basically I just refuse to pack and pack and pack and then acquire several hernias actually hoisting, sliding and attempting to use telekinesis to move my heavy assed furniture, only to then unpack, unpack, unpack and arrange the furniture into new and not so fun configurations in the new place. FUCK THAT. I want to win the damned lottery and then be able to walk away from everything I own and be to move into a new place that will be fully furnished. With a pool. And a cabana boy.

I did get a little spoiled living in a house, not having neighbors in such close proximity to me and mine was nice. Getting used to having other people only a dividing wall away is going to take a bit of time and patience. Luckily we didn't move into a big apartment building - this is only a three floor, three apartment dwelling. Still, having to live on the second floor beneath the woman who either has two peg legs or just is one of those people that walks by driving their heels into the floor as hard as humanly possible at 5:45 AM is something that I need to wrap my head around, and I must resist the the murderous compulsion to go upstairs when she commences her stomping and wrap her head around something. Something shaped like a bat. Ahem.

Other than "hard walker" everything has been hunky-dory and we have gotten into our new routine pretty easily.  So there you have my little update. I'd like to thank all the swell fellas that helped us move,  I'd like to extend my apologies for all  the heavy furniture causing many of you to develop ETS (Exploded Testicle Syndrome). Keep in mind that you don't need two testicles to create enough sperm to someday father children. I would also like to thank U-Haul for firing all those rude motherfuckers that were working there the LAST time we had to go in to rent a moving van and replacing said motherfuckers with a crop of truly nice and helpful attendants.

So tell me all you apartment dwellers - whats been your best/worst/funniest experience with a neighbor?

(As a side note I am using typepad's spell checker and I find it absolutley hilarious that the word "Holy" isn't recognized but the word "Motherfucker" is. I love you typepad.)

Easily Freaked Out: Baby Commercial Edition

You know what completely freaks me out? Commercials with babies. Well, ok, not all commercials that feature babies, just the ones where they superimpose a baby head on someone else's body or those freaky-assed commercials where the babies speak like adults...those I really, really hate.

So imagine my horror struck look when I came across the new Evian Rollerskating Babies commercial. Call me a monster but if I saw a park full of unbelievably well coordinated infants on roller skates I would run away screaming my fool head off.

So now you know yet another weird fact about me. Why don't you reply to this post and tell me something that totally freaks YOU out? Huh? Huh?

P.S. The scene where the babies roller skate toward the chain link fence and then proceed to launch themselves at said fence and hang there like a pack of demented-demon-possessed-baby-monkeys makes me break out in goosebumps. Seriously.

P.P.S.- We are finally closing on our house and are in the middle of moving so please accept my abject apologies that I have been MIA these last few weeks. I will be back soon with many tales of how much I FUCKING HATE PACKING. GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

P.P.P.S -**I have just learned that the one and only Asian baby in the commercial is frequent commenter KC's  son who we will call "B". So, um let me amend my comments to say "Those damned babies freak me out with the exception of the adorable "B" who at a mere few months of life can skate circles around my old ass. He is in no way a 'demented-demon-possessed-baby-monkey'. I love you KC!**

A Wrinkle In Time

My 34th birthday is coming up soon, and I mention this not to remind you of the blessed event but because as I peered at my face in the mirror today I found a wrinkle. The truth is...I like it. I like that little crease by my right eye, formed by laughter, tears, squints and smiles. It reminds me of my mom, of my grandmother and my aunts, all such beautiful women, all with the most awesome laugh lines that enhance, rather than detract from their beautiful faces.I know that women are supposed to rail and fight against the encroaching signs of age, I know that right now I should be researching anti-wrinkle creams and beginning to evaluate Botox, but I am proud of this little wrinkle. Its a part of me that tells a story and I don't want to fill, buff or smooth it away.

As for the subject of yet another birthday looming in the near future, the only regret that I have about that is that it is a year less to experience all the wonderful adventures that life has to offer. My 33rd year was filled with experiences good and bad, happy and sorrowful.  It was also filled with about 575547859978935976493054858 diaper changes, bouts of toddler plague, lots of WoW, annoying coworkers, new friends, old friends that have come back into the picture and many, many cookies.

So as I head into my 34th year, I do so with my eyes open and my mind set to take in all this year might throw at me and with the hope that any wrinkles I accrue this year will be formed primarily by laugh lines and not by frowns. I go in with a prayer that it is a good year, that happiness will far outweigh any sadness and that both of my boys will be potty trained before I turn 35.